Pucking Sports

One of the funnier videos I’ve seen in awhile. And it took place right in our backyard. Fucking Tow Truck Companies are out of control. Is there a worse feeling than walking out to see your car is gone? Especially when you’re hungover as shit and need to be somewhere. It seems like it’s guaranteed to happen at least once during college if you live near Dinkytown or the surrounding area, no matter how careful you are. Good to know the people towing them are such upstanding citizens though.

Best part: Screaming match back and forth with the trucker yelling “YOU’RE A FAGGOT!!! YOU’RE A FAGGOT!!! YOU’RE A FAGGOT!!! GET OUT OF MY FACE PPBBLLITTCCHHH”

I’m really embarrassed right now you guys. I had no idea that someone had their camera rolling.

For real though, is this the most pointless skill you can have? Like enough with that shit already and pour my god damn drink. I go to the bar to get shit hammed drunk and make a fool out of myself, not watch you twirl bottles around for 3 minutes. I’ll take speed over flashy any day. The guy working his ass off getting my drinks to me in 10 seconds is getting my $5 tip, not this fairy.

Looks like I finally found my partner for the We Fest Bag Toss Tournament, that is if I can’t get Patrick Kane (see below.) Giroux and I would go ham on anyone, and chicks especially wouldn’t stand a chance having to play in soaking wet panties. Just playin drinkin games with two half-arm casts like it ain’t no thang. Then prolly pounded this duck-faced puck slut in the cornhole like she deserves.

PS Giroux has a lot of catching up to do if he ever wants to get on Patty Kane’s off-season level

Kaner at Mifflin 2012

You listen here.  This here is America, and if Bill wants his goddamn fish, he gets his goddamn fish.  Why did he call the police?  Because he wasn’t gettin’ what every good American deserves, and that’s his RIGHTS!  If ya ask me, the fuckin’ chefs in the kitchen need to get their shit together and be ready for some good ol’ American customers like Bill.

…only in Wisconsin.

- Skeej (Wisconsin Intern)

(City Pages) A 16-year-old student at St. Paul’s Como Park High School brought cupcakes to his classmates on May 9. Nice gesture, right? Well, it’s not so nice when you fill one of the cupcakes with semen and the give it to an unsuspecting classmate. And then threaten to burn down the principal’s house after you get suspended for lacing your treats with that most illicit of all fluids. As unbelievable as that all is, it’s exactly what’s gone down the last couple weeks at Como Park High, according to a Pioneer Press report.

The “creamy” cupcake recipient began getting teased by his classmates May 10, the day after he ingested the treat his fellow student gave him. According to St. Paul police spokesman Paul Paulos, the victim’s classmates started asking him, “How he could do that, if it tasted funny, things like that, and he heard someone mention that semen was used in the cupcakes.” The alleged culprit reportedly only targeted one of his classmates for the semen-filled surprise.

Unfortunately, the student had already eaten the cupcake, so it will never be conclusively determined whether the 16-year-old who gave it to him is truly one of the most dastardly teenagers in world history or not. But the rumor itself was enough to prompt school administration to suspend the cupcake distributor, who then took to Twitter and threatened to burn the principal’s house down. The principal reported the threat to police, who haven’t arrested the student but have assigned an investigator to look deeper into the situation.

I’m kind of skeptical as to how this whole situation actually went down. And the fact that the fatty already ate the cupcake means we’ll never know if it was actually filled with semen. However, I see two possible scenarios. Either A. this kid brought in a single cupcake to give to one of the kids he hates who, for some reason, accepts and eats it. “Hey bro my mom baked you this delicious, semen-free cupcake.” Yeah okay how retarded would you have to be to accept suspicious, baked treats from your enemies in the first place. Which brings me to scenario B. the kid brought in a couple dozen cupcakes for the class and just told everyone “no no don’t take that one, that ones Johnny’s!” (Awesome Prank Farva) Either way it seems like it must have worked. And for that we thank you.

PS “According to St. Paul police spokesman Paul Paulos,” LOL GTFO Paul

PPS The kid who ate the cupcake is pretty much in a lose-lose situation here. Because even if he noticed there was semen in his cupcake, he’s pretty much guaranteed to get made fun of for knowing what semen tastes like

This has gotta be the closest thing to porn I’ve ever seen without actually being porn. It’s too early for this shit though, was definitely not prepared for the heat that this video brought. So excuse me while I go change my pants.

Just my standard Tuesday night right there.

Know anyone that should be a contestant on “You Gotta Puck One?” Send me their name, school, and about 5-6 good pictures to: PuckingSports@yahoo.com

You Gotta Puck One – Week 9

You Gotta Puck One – Week 8

You Gotta Puck One – Week 7

You Gotta Puck One – Week 6

You Gotta Puck One – Week 4

You Gotta Puck One – Week 3

You Gotta Puck One – Week 2

You Gotta Puck One – Week 1

Gina

Laura

Chick fights. What are they good for? Tits. Damn no cheap thrills; guess we’ll have to analyze this as a real fight.

Of course the chicks’ natural reaction is to engage with the hair immediately. No judgment here. Guys tackled Ricky Williams by his hair. This is a street fight, you don’t stop to clarify rules… “Um excuse we, can we make the hair off limits? I just paid $60 for a haircut that costs a man $10.” Guys do the same things… They go for the shirt collar. The real fight comes after the hair/collar grab. Some guys/girls can throw punches or throw ‘em down so you can start wailing. Others just grab it and give a look similar to boy in the showers with Sandusky – no idea what to do now that they’re here, they just know they’ve crossed a line where it’s either fuck or be fucked.

What I’m really looking for is what the girls do after they got the hair. Beanstalk clearly knows what to do. She throws a nice straight punch (0:44), good extension, more East to West than North to South. Props. Ready in Red is the boy in the Sandusky Showers. No idea what she’s doing, just kind of grabbing the hair and twisting the Beanstalk. I thought that was bad then I saw her punches. What is she trying to do?  Get the high score at Chuck E’ Cheeses’ Whack –a-mole. Beanstalk gets pissed cuz she realizes she’s fighting a bitch hair puller and just decides to go to town on the hair, she would have made Ready and Red look like a chemo patient if you gave her 2 more minutes.

Fellas, this brings us to the real problem. A problem that didn’t look like a problem at first because it’s Wisconsin, land where the men are men and so are the women. The problem is guys. In this case a guy (1:08). If you’re a man there are 4 reasons, and four reasons only, you stop a chick fight: 1. You don’t stop a chick fight. 2. A chick is lying in a pool of her own blood and feces and may be in coma. 3. The chick is your girlfriend and her vagina and/or mouth is being pounded shut. 4. You don’t stop a chick fight. So, for the guy at 1:08 screw you. Take your dick and nut sack, put those prunes and your baby carrot into a blender, and set that shit to puree. No they’re not gonna fuck you or like you for saving them. All you possibly will get from stopping this fight is a new friend and a shopping date.  You only ruined a good “what could have been” when Beanstalk becomes unleashed and Ready in Red realized that piece of steak she just bit off was a little too big and now its stuck in her throat in the form of Beanstalk’s fist.

Seriously though. The only thing chick fights are good for is tits. You don’t believe me? Tell me which is better: the video above or this…

- ‘MERIKA

Although I’ve been swamped with end of the Semester projects and Finals next week, I thought I’d throw yall a bone in honor of a great day for Minnesotans tomorrow. Even though I don’t do as much fishing as most of the diehards in Minny, I still thought this video was pretty funny and spot on.

Class…

The Bar…

(Video shot at Mifflin 2012)

Straight banger right there. Showin some shades of Timeflies Tuesday and just killin it. Take note, that’s how you make a music video. Combine one of the biggest college party weekends in the nation + smokeshows on smokeshows on smokeshows + a bumpin Summer tune  = Pure gold everytime. Wisconsin’s Nick Luebke is about to take over the game people. Either be a part of the revolution or get the fuck out his way.

DARTYYYYYYYYY

PS I’ve been showin too much love for Wisconsin lately in my last few posts. Get your shit together Minnesota.

Students,

By now, I’m sure you’ve probably heard my feelings about May 5th Mifflin Street block party. Or seen the autotune or dubstep remixes.

My video debut wasn’t elegant, but I want you to know that I’ve spent the past week listening to your feedback about the event and how approach it this year, and in the future. Today, I have a few final thoughts about it, and you’re free to agree or disagree with them. But I continue this conversation for one reason: As dean, I’m always concerned for your safety.

I continue to believe there are many better things you could do with your Saturday than spend it at an outdoor drinking party. If you need inspiration, head to the lakes, go to the farmers’ market or take a look at our campus events calendar

(The original e-mail is a couple paragraphs longer, just her reminding everyone of UW’s policies, blah blah blah)

Thanks for listening,

Lori Berquam
Dean of Students

CLICK HERE for the Original Video of her begging students not to go to Mifflin

Maybe spend the weekend volunteering at the local food shelter. Why not stay in with a friend or two telling jokes or swapping fascinating folk tales while sipping hot cocoa. Or how bout finding a nice tree to sit under with your favorite book? Basically just suggesting ideas that college kids wouldn’t even consider on any other weekend of the year.

When will Mrs. Berquam learn her lesson that college kids and her opinion on partying just don’t mix. She easily could have just shut her big yapper and let this whole debacle disappear. But no, the day before the weekend of Mifflin she has to go and send out a mass e-mail to every single student providing them with that extra motivation and reminder that partying their dicks off this year at Mifflin is a must.

The only way for Lori to redeem her dignity and gain back the respect from the students would be to get her old saggy tits down to Mifflin Street this weekend for a beer bong or two. Until then, fuck outta mah face and hold mah dick!

* If anyone comes across something at Mifflin that even comes close to these infamous pictures from Spring Jam and Veishea, Tweet me dat shit ASAP @PuckingSports or PuckingSports@yahoo.com

My first question is how does something like this end up on the local news? Facebook hacking is an event that happens literally every single day. If somebody leaves their Facebook open it’s pretty much your civil duty as a human being to change/fuck with as much shit as possible before they return. Writing a status of “I’m gay” or “I’m coming out” is Facebook hacking 101. Same goes for changing the birthday. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always good for some laughs but that shit is for rookies. When you’ve been in the game as long as people my age have you need to start stepping your game up. If you’re dumb enough that you haven’t learned to log out of your Facebook by now then you deserve anything/everything that someone does to your account. And it’s all about how much time you have. If someone goes to the bathroom; a quick, witty status update will always suffice. But if you have a buddy borrow your laptop and then forget to log out, well then that’s when the real fun starts.

The fact that there were so many people calling this guy after seeing the ‘coming out’ post is a red flag in itself. It pretty much shows that people were already skeptical about Dewberry and were basically just waiting for him to come out. Once you start getting calls/texts from people after getting FB hacked questioning if you’re actually coming out or you might need to stop and think for a second that maybe you really are a queer.

One of my proudest hacking moments was when I changed the name of one of my buddies to “Harry Cox.” Best part was that this kid was one of those people who constantly change their FB name to different derivatives of their name. So by the time I changed it to Harry Cox, he had reached his some limit and was stuck with it for a month.

PS If this guy sees a single dollar from a lawsuit then I have at least 20 friends that can be expecting a call from my lawyer in the next couple days.

What are some of the more creative hackings you’ve seen/done/been victim of?

Looks like just another average day in the life of a normal teenager.

I resisted as long as I could to put this up cause I’m not really sure how I feel about Biebs on here. Made it about 20 minutes. Straight takin his game to another level. If you don’t think he’s spittin hot fire in this vid you need to reevaluate yourself. Fuck outta my face with that shit.

Warning: Video content may not be safe to males wearing gym shorts while in a public area

Anybody know what the best way is to clean the keyboard and screen of a MacBook? Cause I’m pretty sure I may have just completely ruined mine prematurely. I’m already on my 3rd pair of shorts for the day, after watching Kate Upton’s ‘Cat Daddy’ video and now this. It must be tough being this sexy though. Like is it even possible for these chicks to ever be with a guy that can last longer than 5 minutes? Highly doubt it. I mean I only made it about :30 seconds into the video. It’s pretty much game over from the get-go though.

Not often you see Kate Upton get shown up at her own game. We can only hope that smokes making videos doing the ‘Cat Daddy’ becomes the new thing. History will be made.

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- My boner

(FleshLiPad) Most apple fanboys out there would LOVE to stick their peenors into their precious ipads. Seriously, they would. Well this is a concept for the fleshlipad holder which would take your overused fleshlight and turn it into a high tech instrument of digital fap fap fappery.

It seems like its getting more and more difficult for chicks to compete with porn and technology. Pretty soon guys aren’t gunna give a shit when they go home empty handed from the bar, knowing they got their handy dandy iPad fleshlight waiting for them when they get home. It won’t be long until human interaction is a thing of the past. People just staying home fucking inanimate objects on the reg. This thing comes fully equipped with features such as not being able to talk back, not requiring hours of time, money, and attention; and best of all, it won’t be upset when you only last 45 seconds.

(Keepin’ It Country) In an interview with Rolling Stone, country music rocker Eric Church seems to get just a little carried away. Eric, who supported Miranda Lambert on her 2010 “CMT  On Tour: Revolution” headlining tour, slams Blake Shelton, American Idol, and The Voice. Eric takes a hit against American Idol and reality show television, saying that the country music industry is filled with talent from reality competitions – saying that trying out for a show like The Voice means you aren’t a true artist. In the interview, Eric says:

“It’s become American Idol gone mad. Honestly, if Blake Shelton and Cee Lo Green fucking turn around in a red chair, you get a deal? That’s crazy. I don’t know what would make an artist do that. You’re not an artist.”

Eric wasn’t done just yet. He takes a little dig at Blake, who is a coach on the highly successful The Voice, and says that anyone who’s career depends on something outside their music then they also aren’t a real artist.

“If I was concerned about my legacy, there’s no fucking way I would ever sit there [and be a reality-show judge]. Once your career becomes something other than the music, then that’s what it is. I’ll never make that mistake. I don’t care if I fucking starve.”

In case that wasn’t enough, the “Country Music Jesus” singer also had a few things to say about rock fans and Lollapalooza:

“Rock & Roll has been very emo or whatever the f—. It’s very hipster. We played Lollapalooza and I was stunned at how pussy 90 percent of those bands were. Nobody’s loud. It’s all very f—-n’ Peter, Paul and Mary sh–.”

Fuckin’ right. It’s about time someone finally sounded off about these retarded reality shows that keep multiplying at the same rate of the number of Antonio Cromartie’s baby’s mommas. I’ve heard mixed opinion over the past 24 hours on whether or not these comments were warranted. People saying it was uncalled for attacking fellow country artists who have helped him in his past. I say fuck that. If we don’t have true country artists sticking up for what they believe the music truly is and has been about then it’s only a matter of time before more talentless Rebecca Black’s start turning up. What ever happened to putting the music and fans first? I enjoy most of Blake Shelton’s music and think he’s a pretty solid artist, but I too lost respect for him as soon as he agreed to go on that show. Blake Shelton has cancelled concerts because of The Voice.

Eric Church has definitely earned his right to speak his mind about the state of country music. It’s just another reason why I believe he will be one of the greatest country artists of all time along with the artists he sings about such as Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and Willie Nelson. You guys can keep your country pop music like Rascal Flatts and I’ll stick with mine.

PS I love how I haven’t heard a peep from anyone defending Cee Lo Green. In what fucking world would someone give this guy a deal to be a judge on The Voice and perform at the Super Bowl? Sometimes I feel like the music industry puts out the most repulsive artists just to fuck with us and laugh in our faces when people accept them as talented.

I mean just look at this fucking parakeet. I think I have more talent in and could put on a better show with just my ball sack.