Pucking Sports

Students,

By now, I’m sure you’ve probably heard my feelings about May 5th Mifflin Street block party. Or seen the autotune or dubstep remixes.

My video debut wasn’t elegant, but I want you to know that I’ve spent the past week listening to your feedback about the event and how approach it this year, and in the future. Today, I have a few final thoughts about it, and you’re free to agree or disagree with them. But I continue this conversation for one reason: As dean, I’m always concerned for your safety.

I continue to believe there are many better things you could do with your Saturday than spend it at an outdoor drinking party. If you need inspiration, head to the lakes, go to the farmers’ market or take a look at our campus events calendar

(The original e-mail is a couple paragraphs longer, just her reminding everyone of UW’s policies, blah blah blah)

Thanks for listening,

Lori Berquam
Dean of Students

CLICK HERE for the Original Video of her begging students not to go to Mifflin

Maybe spend the weekend volunteering at the local food shelter. Why not stay in with a friend or two telling jokes or swapping fascinating folk tales while sipping hot cocoa. Or how bout finding a nice tree to sit under with your favorite book? Basically just suggesting ideas that college kids wouldn’t even consider on any other weekend of the year.

When will Mrs. Berquam learn her lesson that college kids and her opinion on partying just don’t mix. She easily could have just shut her big yapper and let this whole debacle disappear. But no, the day before the weekend of Mifflin she has to go and send out a mass e-mail to every single student providing them with that extra motivation and reminder that partying their dicks off this year at Mifflin is a must.

The only way for Lori to redeem her dignity and gain back the respect from the students would be to get her old saggy tits down to Mifflin Street this weekend for a beer bong or two. Until then, fuck outta mah face and hold mah dick!

* If anyone comes across something at Mifflin that even comes close to these infamous pictures from Spring Jam and Veishea, Tweet me dat shit ASAP @PuckingSports or PuckingSports@yahoo.com

My first question is how does something like this end up on the local news? Facebook hacking is an event that happens literally every single day. If somebody leaves their Facebook open it’s pretty much your civil duty as a human being to change/fuck with as much shit as possible before they return. Writing a status of “I’m gay” or “I’m coming out” is Facebook hacking 101. Same goes for changing the birthday. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always good for some laughs but that shit is for rookies. When you’ve been in the game as long as people my age have you need to start stepping your game up. If you’re dumb enough that you haven’t learned to log out of your Facebook by now then you deserve anything/everything that someone does to your account. And it’s all about how much time you have. If someone goes to the bathroom; a quick, witty status update will always suffice. But if you have a buddy borrow your laptop and then forget to log out, well then that’s when the real fun starts.

The fact that there were so many people calling this guy after seeing the ‘coming out’ post is a red flag in itself. It pretty much shows that people were already skeptical about Dewberry and were basically just waiting for him to come out. Once you start getting calls/texts from people after getting FB hacked questioning if you’re actually coming out or you might need to stop and think for a second that maybe you really are a queer.

One of my proudest hacking moments was when I changed the name of one of my buddies to “Harry Cox.” Best part was that this kid was one of those people who constantly change their FB name to different derivatives of their name. So by the time I changed it to Harry Cox, he had reached his some limit and was stuck with it for a month.

PS If this guy sees a single dollar from a lawsuit then I have at least 20 friends that can be expecting a call from my lawyer in the next couple days.

What are some of the more creative hackings you’ve seen/done/been victim of?