Chick fights. What are they good for? Tits. Damn no cheap thrills; guess we’ll have to analyze this as a real fight.
Of course the chicks’ natural reaction is to engage with the hair immediately. No judgment here. Guys tackled Ricky Williams by his hair. This is a street fight, you don’t stop to clarify rules… “Um excuse we, can we make the hair off limits? I just paid $60 for a haircut that costs a man $10.” Guys do the same things… They go for the shirt collar. The real fight comes after the hair/collar grab. Some guys/girls can throw punches or throw ‘em down so you can start wailing. Others just grab it and give a look similar to boy in the showers with Sandusky – no idea what to do now that they’re here, they just know they’ve crossed a line where it’s either fuck or be fucked.
What I’m really looking for is what the girls do after they got the hair. Beanstalk clearly knows what to do. She throws a nice straight punch (0:44), good extension, more East to West than North to South. Props. Ready in Red is the boy in the Sandusky Showers. No idea what she’s doing, just kind of grabbing the hair and twisting the Beanstalk. I thought that was bad then I saw her punches. What is she trying to do? Get the high score at Chuck E’ Cheeses’ Whack –a-mole. Beanstalk gets pissed cuz she realizes she’s fighting a bitch hair puller and just decides to go to town on the hair, she would have made Ready and Red look like a chemo patient if you gave her 2 more minutes.
Fellas, this brings us to the real problem. A problem that didn’t look like a problem at first because it’s Wisconsin, land where the men are men and so are the women. The problem is guys. In this case a guy (1:08). If you’re a man there are 4 reasons, and four reasons only, you stop a chick fight: 1. You don’t stop a chick fight. 2. A chick is lying in a pool of her own blood and feces and may be in coma. 3. The chick is your girlfriend and her vagina and/or mouth is being pounded shut. 4. You don’t stop a chick fight. So, for the guy at 1:08 screw you. Take your dick and nut sack, put those prunes and your baby carrot into a blender, and set that shit to puree. No they’re not gonna fuck you or like you for saving them. All you possibly will get from stopping this fight is a new friend and a shopping date. You only ruined a good “what could have been” when Beanstalk becomes unleashed and Ready in Red realized that piece of steak she just bit off was a little too big and now its stuck in her throat in the form of Beanstalk’s fist.
Seriously though. The only thing chick fights are good for is tits. You don’t believe me? Tell me which is better: the video above or this…