20 Bucks says Ryan Lochte turns out to have such an uncontrollable craving for the cock that only a sport where men wear nothing but tight speedos has been able to tame. Girls everywhere have jumped on the Bro Lochte wagon just like they did the Phelps train but this douche nugget is not selling me. He has over 130 pairs of shoes, he’d like to be a fashion designer, he’s making a cameo appearance on 90210 and he wants to be on the Bachelor. Picture bringing a guy home for the first time and having to say those words to your parents. The only way that show could ever be entertaining with Lochte as the Bachelor would be if they throw in a few guys and a few girls on there for him to pick from, just to fuck with his head and see him get all confused. But the toughest challenge will be whether or not they’ll actually be able to find anyone that is dumber than he is.
A note from Kinger:
Apparently Lochte and Prince Harry had a 3am swim session the other night in Vegas. Probably consisted of Lochte pissing all over Harry while teaching him, hands on of course, the proper form of the backstroke. I think it’s only a matter of time before we find out their rendezvous carried on even later into the night. Everything about him just screams douchebag. I swear some people out there are literally just begging to get made fun of. Like it wouldn’t surprise me if he woke up every morning, looked at himself in the mirror with a big, stupid fucking grin and said, “how can I annoy the fuck out of people today?” Well whatever it is Ryan, it’s working.