(TMZ) U.S. Olympic track star Nick Symmonds just ran a mile in 5:19 … which isn’t very impressive … until you realize he chugged 4 BEERS along the way. Symmonds was gunning for the world record in something called the “Beer Mile” … which requires athletes to chug an entire “full-sized” brewski at the beginning of the race … and another full can of suds at every quarter-mile mark along the way. 28-year-old Symmonds — who finished 5th in the 800m race at the Olympics in London — was hoping to break the world record, 5:09, set by Canadian marathon legend Jim Finlayson.
The Olympics were just for tits and giggles, but the beer Olympics is where the actual glory comes from. U.S. Olympian, Nick Symmonds, placed fifth in the 800 meter in London but got first place in our hearts for trying to beat the world record of chugging 4 beers while running a mile. He had to start each lap around the track by slamming a beer and if he threw up his penalty was to run another lap and shotgun another beer… Unfortunately he didn’t beat the world record but what’s most important is he got drunk while attempting.
Finally we have something to aspire to. You and I both have to admit that we’re not good for anything but being able to shotgun a beer faster than a 300 pound frat boy and we’ve spent more time perfecting our flip cup strategy than studying for college. It’s only a matter of time before Beerfest becomes a reality and we’re in the middle of representing America as the greatest beer drinking country there is. “They’re not that drunk! They’re not that drunk!” Let’s shut Germany & Ireland up and keep putting our day drinking to good use because someday we’ll be next to Hope Solo and Michael Phelps dominating in beer darts. Let’s make it happen.
- Giselle
